Horoscopes for Leo Season: The Signs as Forbidden Jewelry
by John Macejka
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In like a lion, out like an even bigger and more dramatic lion: Leo Season hath arrived at long last. ♌ No strangers to adornment, Leos remind us that you can transform even the least glamorous bits of detritus into blazing hot statement pieces when paired with enough confidence. We’re celebrating the Leonine commitment to serving looks with this month’s horoscope:
The Signs as Forbidden Jewelry
♈ Aries - Milk Tab Ring
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The little cap on this ring doubles as a tiny adorable shield for your knuckle the next time you punch a hole in the wall! |
♉ Taurus - T-Tag
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♊ Gemini - Hanger Size Marker
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♋ Cancer - Zip Tie
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The way this DIY bracelet hugs your wrist imparts the constant sense of security you crave. |
♌ Leo - Tub Plug
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Sad about your 90-minute herbal soak coming to an end? This tasteful ankle bracelet takes the finale of your elaborate bath routine to the next tier of luxury. |
♍ Virgo - Soup Can Pull Tab
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Given how frequently you nurse your friends and loved ones back to health, you could probably make a full set of chainmail armor out of these tabs at this point. |
♎ Libra - Pen Lid
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Lasts way longer than the UV gel tips you got last time. |
♏ Scorpio - Barbed Wire
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We know it looks hardcore and keeps the outside world a safe distance away, but please be careful not to hurt yourself in the process! |
♐ Sagittarius - Safety Pin
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A piece of forbidden jewelry and a piercing shop all in one, this piece is perfect for making an irreversible impulse decision in a split-second! |
♑ Capricorn - Bank Pen Chain
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You already use it every week to fill out a new deposit slip, might as well make it fashion! |
♒ Aquarius - Plastic Bag Punchouts
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The fact that everyone else has deemed this piece of the bag discardable is PRECISELY why you must wear it as a ring, you absolute contrarian, you. |
♓ Pisces - Straw Wrapper
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Highly mutable, this piece of pulp can transform into a bracelet, knuckle dusters, even a toe ring… and it may also dissolve into nothingness if you look at it the wrong way. |
Written by John Macejka