Cancer Horoscope: The Signs as Hardware That I Want to Put in My Mouth
by Pia Marchetti
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It's Cancer season. Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies of munching on hardware? Have you created a life for yourself where you can admit how much you want to snack on a bolt? 🔩
I have. I am crazy, but I am free.
The Signs as Hardware I Would Like to Put in My Mouth
♈ Aries - Wing Nut
So easy a kid can do it? No — so easy an Aries can do it. 10/10 - would put it in my mouth |
♉ Taurus - Hex Nut
Sturdy, industrial, classic. Don’t get screwed on so tight you can’t reverse your choices. 10/10 - good mouth feel |
♊ Gemini - S-Hook
We could go this-a-way, or we could go that-a-way. Some say you flip-flop, I say you’re versatile. 10/10 - would hook onto my cheek like a fish |
♋ Cancer - Washer
You’re okay, you just need to take some SPACE! 10/10 - would bite into like an old timey miner determining the authenticity of a gold coin |
♌ Leo - Cap Nut
You stand proud above the surface. You are meant to be seen! 10/10 - would throw a handful back like popcorn |
♍ Virgo - Hardware Organizer
Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. 10/10 - would use the forbidden ice tray |
♎ Libra - Felt Furniture Pad
You just want everything to go along smoothly. 10/10 - a good source of fiber |
♏ Scorpio - Biscuit
You are permanently affixed... yet invisibly so. 10/10 - would eat with a spreadable cheese |
♐ Sagittarius - Pneumatic Staples
SK-CHNK, K-CHNK, K-CHNK. Gotta blast! 10/10 - would live dangerously and chomp down on these bad bois |
♑ Capricorn - Screw Anchor
This utilitarian sheath is holding it all together behind the scenes. It’s okay to let people know when you’re struggling under pressure! 10/10 - would gnaw for several hours |
♒ Aquarius - Cam Lock Nut
Yes, you make flat-pack furniture possible. But at what cost? 10/10 - would hold in my mouth like a metallic mint |
♓ Pisces - Picture Hanger
You are installed to hold up 1. a dried bouquet of flowers 2. a smoked glass mirror 3. an evil painting. 10/10 - satisfying crunchy snack |
Written by Pia Marchetti~*