Cancer Horoscope: The Signs as Hardware That I Want to Put in My Mouth

Cancer Horoscope: The Signs as Hardware That I Want to Put in My Mouth

by Pia Marchetti

It's Cancer season. Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies of munching on hardware? Have you created a life for yourself where you can admit how much you want to snack on a bolt? 🔩

I have. I am crazy, but I am free.

The Signs as Hardware I Would Like to Put in My Mouth

♈ Aries - Wing Nut

So easy a kid can do it? No — so easy an Aries can do it.

10/10 - would put it in my mouth


♉ Taurus - Hex Nut

Sturdy, industrial, classic. Don’t get screwed on so tight you can’t reverse your choices.

10/10 - good mouth feel


♊ Gemini - S-Hook

We could go this-a-way, or we could go that-a-way. Some say you flip-flop, I say you’re versatile.

10/10 - would hook onto my cheek like a fish


♋ Cancer - Washer

You’re okay, you just need to take some SPACE!

10/10 - would bite into like an old timey miner determining the authenticity of a gold coin


♌ Leo - Cap Nut

You stand proud above the surface. You are meant to be seen!

10/10 - would throw a handful back like popcorn


♍ Virgo - Hardware Organizer

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

10/10 - would use the forbidden ice tray


♎ Libra - Felt Furniture Pad

You just want everything to go along smoothly.

10/10 - a good source of fiber


♏ Scorpio - Biscuit

You are permanently affixed... yet invisibly so.

10/10 - would eat with a spreadable cheese


♐ Sagittarius - Pneumatic Staples

SK-CHNK, K-CHNK, K-CHNK. Gotta blast!

10/10 - would live dangerously and chomp down on these bad bois


♑ Capricorn - Screw Anchor

This utilitarian sheath is holding it all together behind the scenes. It’s okay to let people know when you’re struggling under pressure!

10/10 - would gnaw for several hours


♒ Aquarius - Cam Lock Nut

Yes, you make flat-pack furniture possible. But at what cost?

10/10 - would hold in my mouth like a metallic mint


♓ Pisces - Picture Hanger

You are installed to hold up 1. a dried bouquet of flowers 2. a smoked glass mirror 3. an evil painting.

10/10 - satisfying crunchy snack


Written by Pia Marchetti~*