Horoscopes for Virgo Season: The Signs as Houseplants

Posted by JOHN MACEJKA

Horoscopes for Virgo Season: The Signs as Houseplants

Virgo Season is HERE! ♍ We’re personally a bit burnt out after a lovely-yet-exhausting Leo Season and are ready to heal and regenerate… Virgo’s specialty! To celebrate the tender, nurturing vibes that Virgos curate so naturally, we present for your consideration:   The Signs as Houseplants 🌱 ♈ Aries - Chestnut Vine A rambunctious and vigorous vine, you waste no time taking up space. Those who don’t know any better may attempt to control you, which of course just causes you to grow even more aggressively.   ♉ Taurus - ‘Regal Shield’ Alocasia The giant, purplish-green shield-shaped leaves growing from this bad boy...

Horoscopes for Leo Season: The Signs as Forbidden Jewelry

Posted by JOHN MACEJKA

Horoscopes for Leo Season: The Signs as Forbidden Jewelry

In like a lion, out like an even bigger and more dramatic lion: Leo Season hath arrived at long last. ♌ No strangers to adornment, Leos remind us that you can transform even the least glamorous bits of detritus into blazing hot statement pieces when paired with enough confidence. We’re celebrating the Leonine commitment to serving looks with this month’s horoscope: The Signs as Forbidden Jewelry ♈ Aries - Milk Tab Ring The little cap on this ring doubles as a tiny adorable shield for your knuckle the next time you punch a hole in the wall!   ♉ Taurus - T-Tag...

Cancer Horoscope: The Signs as Hardware That I Want to Put in My Mouth

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

Cancer Horoscope: The Signs as Hardware That I Want to Put in My Mouth

It's Cancer season. Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies of munching on hardware? Have you created a life for yourself where you can admit how much you want to snack on a bolt? 🔩 I have. I am crazy, but I am free. The Signs as Hardware I Would Like to Put in My Mouth ♈ Aries - Wing Nut So easy a kid can do it? No — so easy an Aries can do it. 10/10 - would put it in my mouth   ♉ Taurus - Hex Nut Sturdy, industrial, classic. Don’t get screwed on so...

Gemini Horoscope: The Signs as Species of Pasta

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

Gemini Horoscope: The Signs as Species of Pasta

Pasta is a beautiful metaphor for the human condition: no matter what you look like, we're all made out of the same water flour mixture. Anyway, here are 12 types of pasta that describe the irreconcilable differences you have with others. The Signs as Species of Pasta ♈ Aries: Elbow Macaroni You’re cute, fun, and let’s face it, charming. Your impulsivity can be such a great energy, especially when the group needs an instant Kraft pick me up. But maybe it’s time to grow up a little bit.   ♉ Taurus: Gnocchi This potato-based pasta is so dang thicc it’s practically...

Taurus Horoscope: The Signs as Iconic Chairs

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

Taurus Horoscope: The Signs as Iconic Chairs

Happy Taurus Season! What’s more Taurean than The Chair™️, an emblem of design philosophy and the marriage of form and function? I need to sit down. 🪑⁠⁠ The Signs as Iconic Chairs ♈ Aries - High Chair You are baby.   ♉ Taurus - Eames Lounge Chair by Charles & Ray Eames for Herman Miller You’re the only one who’s either going to 1. make enough money to afford this or 2. be patient enough to bend the plywood yourself.   ♊ Gemini - Panton Chair by Verner Panton for Vitra You are a cantilevered mod marvel.   ♋ Cancer...

Aries Horoscope: The Signs as Obscure Emojis

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

Aries Horoscope: The Signs as Obscure Emojis

This Aries Season we’re bringing attention to the unsung heroes of the emoji canon. Find out which Very Rare Emoji you are. 👁‍🗨🥌📯🥛🫕🧮🏺🎑💺🕴🏻⚗️👣 The Signs as Obscure Emojis ♈ Aries - 👁️‍🗨️ Eye in Speech Bubble If Aries sees something, they will say something.   ♉ Taurus - 🥌 Curling Stone The noble curling stone is grounded yet strong willed. This broom-centric sport is popular in Canada, commonly referred to as the Taurus of the Americas.   ♊ Gemini - 📯 Postal Horn If I had a nickel for every time a text conversation has mandated the postal horn emoji,...

Pisces Horoscope: The Signs as Plugs

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

Pisces Horoscope: The Signs as Plugs
With the release of our Outlet Bag, we’ve got plugs on the brain. 🧠 Read why you’re paired with these prongs. ✨

February Horoscope: The Signs as Rings

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

February Horoscope: The Signs as Rings

With Valentine’s Day approaching, we thought we’d help you out by creating this zodiac-approved guide to selecting the best ring for your sweetie. If these don’t make them say I do, might we point you to our selection of rings instead?   ♈ Aries - Ring Pop If there’s one mantra Aries lives by, it’s “I’m baby.” Catch them pairing a mock neck crop top and thrifted JNCO jeans with this candy ring made for children. If you inherit a necklace from your Aries great grandmother, it’s probably edible.   ♉ Taurus - Toe Ring What are toes, if not the...

January Horoscope: The Signs as Imagined Futures

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

January Horoscope: The Signs as Imagined Futures

Our highly trained team of clairvoyants spent hours laying in a bath of photon milk to divine each star sign as an imagined future. No matter what dis/utopia you get, if you’re reading this now, you’ll always be part of our Digital Utopia. ♈ Aries - Mad Max A violent, post-apocalyptic desertscape populated by leather-clad criminals on weaponized vehicles. Under these extreme circumstances, Aries would certainly rise to the top.   ♉ Taurus - Her This warm-toned world sits in cozy opposition to sci-fi’s standard chilly blue atmosphere. Textural elements, abstract advertisements, and low-tech appearing, high-tech performing gadgets will make...

September Horoscope: The Signs as Compelling Trash

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

September Horoscope: The Signs as Compelling Trash

These items are ordinary, disposable, and boring, but we can’t stop thinking about them! There’s something special about these unspecial objects. Let us know if we got your unique brand of garbage right.   ♈ Aries - Aluminum Can Pull Tab PshhH-kKTUH! That’s the sound of an Aries releasing their carbonated rage into the atmosphere. According to Soda Can Physics Review, the aluminum pull tab is a bit of brilliant engineering that applies force in one direction. Sounds like an Aries to me. Also, did you ever play that game where you wiggle the tab back and forth to the alphabet...

May Horoscopes: What the Signs Buy at Ikea

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

May Horoscopes: What the Signs Buy at Ikea
Ah, Ikea. She lures you in with a promise of a more organized life where the only choice you have to make is between meatballs or salmon. Find out what iconic piece of laminated particle board furniture you are based on your sign.

April Horoscopes : The Signs as Nostalgic Cell Phones

Posted by PIA MARCHETTI

April Horoscopes : The Signs as Nostalgic Cell Phones

These days you have two cell phone options – an iPhone or an iPhone with worse emojis. While you can pick from a handful of colors and accessorize with a case, the contemporary smart phone doesn’t hold a candle to the personalization possibilities the ‘00s cellphone market offered. Like so much of the technology we’re feeling nostalgic for, our first cellphones were an opportunity to express ourselves. Getting a new phone was like going to school with a new haircut. Your cellphone was as much of an accessory as a handbag or a piece of jewelry. Was it all really...